D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994)

90s moviesAs much today as in the 90s, it’s quite rare for a sequel to live up to the expectations set by the original. It always seems like a rehash of gags, exposition, character types and plot does little to raise the bar or tread new grounds of storytelling. More often than not, it’s just a complete copy and paste of the first movie in a new locale.

There are the rare occasions, however, when the sequel actually outshines the original. The Godfather: Part 2 is the first one that comes to mind, and I believe this against-all-odds hockey-centric kid’s movie is of the same caliber.

I’m obviously talking about the legendary D2: The Mighty Ducks.

The first part of the formula that Disney gets extremely right in this film is raising the stakes. Abandoning much of the cutesy bullshit from the original film, D2 brings to the table a more interesting and higher-stakes story concept that involves an international event instead of a quaint, small-town regional championship. This time, Coach Bombay and his quacktabular members of the Ducks dynasty are off to the City of Angels to compete in the Jr. Goodwill Games. Rather than just representing their small-town underdog pride, they’re representing AMURRICA against a star-studded stable of racist stereotypes.

Continue reading

Top 5 90s School Supplies

90s school supplies

Hi, everybody!

(Hi, Dr. Nick!)

Let me start out by saying how terribly sorry I am that I’ve been neglecting the everlasting fuck out of this blog over the last few months. I could come up with a huge list of ridiculous excuses like having my computer hacked by gremlins or being locked in Dave Coulier’s infamous sex dungeon, but I’ll just stick to the facts.

Continue reading

Ninja Turtle Stuff: Teenage Mutant Mini Mutants

90s ninja turtles

In 1994 just as today, kids were completely infatuated with things that were miniature. Lifesavers Holes, Mini M&M’s, Mighty Max, and Polly Pocket were all the rage. I came up with a profound formula as to why this is the case: anything you love already at its regularly-sized proportions is infinitely more desirable when it’s made miniature. Such is the case with anything related to one of the most popular intellectual properties of the 20th century: the Ninja Turtles.

The Teenage Mutant Mini Mutants play sets hit the market in 1994 with these awesome advertisements:

At the time, only normal-sized Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures were being sold so this was more than just a novelty, it was a MUST-HAVE for children of the 90s generation. While we salivated and threw temper tantrums in Toys R Us over the run-of-the-mill action figures, these tiny little playsets were responsible for an influx of tier 3 tantrums.

Continue reading

How To Dress Like Kelly Kapowski

90s fashion

It’s that time of year again, when we spend way too much money buying cheap party store costumes and drink our faces off to the sound of the Halloween theme song and “Monster Mash” on repeat while eating diabetes-inducing volumes of sugary snacks.

As was the case last year, I’m going to go out of my way to give you some pointers on how to dress up for Halloween on the cheap while also looking like one of your favorite 90s it girls: Kelly Kapowski.

If you’re too stupid or reclusive to know who Kelly Kapowski is, she was by far the most beautiful female from the cast of Saved By The Bell and my personal, lifelong obsession. She was a bouncy, kindhearted, somewhat ditzy cheerleader who was Zack Morris’ one and only. When she wasn’t flipping Valley the bird and rooting for the Bayside Tigers, she was hanging out at the Max and looking fly as fuck in her ever-changing array of colorful wardrobe choices.

Continue reading

5 Things To Love About The Unauthorized Saved By The Bell Story

saved by the bell

As I’ve made clear enough many times on this blog, I’ve always been absolutely infatuated with Saved By The Bell. It could be my overall affinity for teen culture or my inner yearning to live the dramatic teenage high school lifestyle over and over again instead of growing up, but my love for NBC’s unlikely hit kids comedy hasn’t subsided.

Recently, the network that brought you every abusive male stereotype and beautiful teenage girl’s bout with bulimorexia took it upon itself to transform Dustin “Screech Powers” Diamond’s controversial tell-all about his life on the set of Saved by the Bell into an unauthorized biopic TV movie.

As with Camp Cucamonga, the inherent charms of made-for-TV movies cannot be overstated. When I first learned of this venture, I was instantly excited. The idea that young actors and passable lookalikes would be playing the supposedly real-life versions of some of my favorite sitcom celebrities was a fact that filled me with great inner joy.

Continue reading